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1982.

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那年我十三岁

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在我成为喜剧演员之前，我认为最酷的事

4
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成为青少年.

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我将拥有女人、金钱、还能很晚回家

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我以为那会是个辉煌的开始

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嘿

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Chris! Chris! Chris!

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可是，伙计，我想错了!

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Chris!

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马上去卫生间把马桶座上的尿给擦了!

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恶心!

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人人都
<i>恨</i>
克里斯

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翻译：梁师傅     校对：翊薇
出品：F6中文网

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我十三岁时，我妈说服了我爸搬出Project

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她总是说Project只不过是另一种实验罢了

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在实验室, 政府给小白鼠奶酪吃

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在Projetc,政府给人奶酪吃

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爸，我想吃麦当劳

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你们有吃麦当劳的钱吗?

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Julius,孩子们得吃饭呀

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但他们又不是非得吃麦当劳

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车后面有些beloni饼,我这就停车

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我爸手边总是有些beloni饼以防万一

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我们只能买一个套餐

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Drew吃汉堡, Tonya吃薯条,
Chris，剩下的饮料是你的

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有一次我只吃到冰

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我们搬进了Brookyn的Bedstyle的一个公寓里.

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现在我们才知道Bedstyle是罪恶之城的中心

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我想我们该住别的地方

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Bedstyle甚至有它自己的座右铭:

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"Bedstyle, 行动，或者死去"

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看那儿!看那儿!

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那是一帮将死去的人

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只要让我抓到你们任何一个人在任何一面墙上涂鸦

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我就把我的脚抬得高高得塞到你们得嘴里

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进去吧

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这是我母亲Rochelle.

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她有一百种治你的花样.

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小鬼，我会打得你们跪地求饶

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我会敲打你们一晚上

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我会把你的名字从电话本里删去，
就当没你这个孩子

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这是我的弟弟Drew.

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没有什么比有一个比你个高的弟弟更糟的事了

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Tonya是最小，为了给我找麻烦
她什么都做的出来

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Chris, 清理一下

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- Tonya干的.
- 什么!

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我问你这个了吗？

49
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就因为我最大，一有状况让我就得跟大人似的担着.

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如果你问到烟味,

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认为是这房子着火了

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赶紧带着你的弟妹撤

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如果闻到瓦斯味,认为是房子要炸了

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赶紧带着你的弟妹撤

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如果你闻到烟味

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是你弟弟着火

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就带着你妹妹快跑

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幸运的是，房子从来没着过火

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我弟弟也是

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妈，为什么Drew和Tonya可以去附近的学校上学？

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而我却要去Brooklyn海滩那么远的地方上学

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Brooklyn Beach在城镇的另一边，
周围住的都是穷意大利人

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就跟Bedstyle一样,

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只是把黑帮换成了暴徒

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因为这里的中学简直就是不良少年的

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制造工厂

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而那些白人的孩子可以受到教育

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可不是哈佛那种教育

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只不过是那种“不要抢劫酒店”的教育

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嘿，老爸

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嘿，宝贝

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嘿，爸

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嘿，爸爸.

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嘿，宝贝

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Tonya是我爸最疼的.

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怎么不喝你的燕麦粥?

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Chris没冲开

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她很会利用这一点

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那你就别吃了

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我就知道你不会倒掉的

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吃了它.

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它要花30美分

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我爸总是知道每样东西的价钱

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$1.09丢在垃圾桶里

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$2被烧糊了

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49美分撒在我的桌子

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有人要把它喝了

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宝贝，你看这次的帐单

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我已经付了

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- 可你只付了一半
- 我知道

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我给了你全款，你怎么只付一半

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我真不敢相信你居然敢问我

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只是个问题，我只想知道答案
知道怎么回事

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不，你不是，你在质疑我的判断

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你说的好像这就就没有这张大赤字的帐单似的

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好吧

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那你来解决吧

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- 我会的
- 好的

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- 我肯定会的
- 很好

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- 好啊
- 好啊

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我父母教导我们爱一个人永远不用
说"拍我马屁吧".

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邮票在哪?

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我的成长史一点都不酷

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最酷的事情就是这双脚上的白色运动鞋了.

105
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不行, 不行, 不行

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嘿，你不能连去学校都穿它.

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信不信由你，不是什么地都能穿运动鞋的

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为什么,大家都在穿

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因为你很邋遢

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外加你今还有个聚会

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嘿，不知道你怎么想的

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我妈讨厌邋遢的人

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她总是说穷但整洁好过富却邋遢

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我想她这么说是因为我们是穷人

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给

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穿Drew的这穿好鞋

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我讨厌这种鞋

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学校里每个人都会笑话我的

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你只去了一个星期

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你还谁都不认识呢

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我是学校唯一的黒人

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可他们认识我

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真太丢脸了

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为什么他穿我的鞋

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因为你就两只脚

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但，Chris,下学后别闲逛

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你要回家，给Drew和Tonya开门，好吗？

128
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你不在吗？

129
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我今天要上班

130
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知道规矩吧

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知道，知道

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不就是爸爸要睡觉，不到五点别叫他

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没错

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Chris!

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你拿乘车证了吗？

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对,啊...

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- 我记得放这了
- 啊...啊..

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你收好，如果你要丢了的话，以后你
就走着去学校吧

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哦

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- 这是你2元的午餐费
- 谢谢

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好了，乖点啊

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- 再见，妈
- 再见，妈妈

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拜拜，宝贝

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拉着你妹妹的手

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上学去吧

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Keisha是邻家女孩

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13岁时, 我对性了解不多

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但我知道这事要她参与才行

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嘿, Drew!

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Drew?

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嘿, Keisha?

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你认识她?

153
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Yeah.

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Drew太酷了，他十岁钓到的马子，
我三十岁才有戏

155
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听着，当你们回家以后

156
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不要按门铃，也不要敲门

157
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就在那儿等着, OK?

158
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随便啦

159
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万一我想去厕所怎么办？

160
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去学校上

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那里的厕所太脏了

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记住...

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你吵醒爸爸的话，
他会我把的脸揍平了

164
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如果真那样的话，他怎么揍我，
我就怎么揍你

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接着他就会杀了我，然后去坐牢

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你想让爸爸坐牢吗？

167
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不想

168
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不想是吧？

169
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那就记住

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即便我妈很生气，
但她还是会给我爸做饭的

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...我觉得.

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蔬菜, 马铃薯还要最喜欢的:

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一大块鸡肉.

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我每天上学要倒一次车.

175
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街对面的中学真的有那么糟糕吗?

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就像摇滚一样,
校园枪击也是黑人发明的，

177
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但却被白人发扬光大了

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我第一趟车是26路.

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我每一天都在车上看报纸.

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我在去学校的路上学到的要比
在学校里学到的还多

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我要换乘44路.

182
00:08:07,964 --> 00:08:10,019
我是车上唯一的黑人

183
00:08:10,159 --> 00:08:12,023
我旁边没人坐

184
00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:13,594
我的意思是没人愿意坐

185
00:08:14,685 --> 00:08:17,978
如果她现在就这么生气,
你想象一下如果她女儿带着O.J回家的话
(O.J.辛普森:美国著名的黑人棒球明星)

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我妈妈认为去白人的学校意味着我会得到更好的教育

187
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并且会更安全

188
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大错特错!

189
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:30,519
这是Joey Caruso.

190
00:08:30,707 --> 00:08:33,147
一个有着大块头皮屑的小痞子.

191
00:08:33,239 --> 00:08:35,957
我本来打算避开他的
但是这双鞋

192
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鞋不错啊, Bojangles.
（Bojangles：一个黑人踢踏舞明星）

193
00:08:40,155 --> 00:08:41,296
Bojangles?

194
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:45,671
昨晚我和你妈跳踢踏舞时她可不是
这么叫我的

195
00:08:48,781 --> 00:08:50,307
我知道你以为我疯了

196
00:08:50,361 --> 00:08:53,562
如果我第一次就这么放过他
他这一年都不会让我消停

197
00:08:53,748 --> 00:08:55,035
现在我还打不过他

198
00:08:55,129 --> 00:08:57,762
但是我想也许我可以唬住他

199
00:08:57,855 --> 00:08:59,912
- 你说什么?
- 我没说清楚吗?

200
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你知道我是谁吗?

201
00:09:02,633 --> 00:09:05,556
如果你再踩我鞋，我就让你知道我是谁！

202
00:09:06,332 --> 00:09:07,408
我才不吃你这套呢

203
00:09:07,529 --> 00:09:08,960
我可是出身Bedstyle,老兄.

204
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我能带一班兄弟过来.

205
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我会把你打得屁滚尿流，让你做梦都得拄拐

206
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嗨，没准他怕了

207
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:18,299
你知道我还能做什么吗？

208
00:09:19,803 --> 00:09:20,704
你叫什么?

209
00:09:21,032 --> 00:09:21,777
Chris.

210
00:09:22,288 --> 00:09:24,294
我是Raymond教授， 你的新校长

211
00:09:24,576 --> 00:09:25,959
从我脚上起来.

212
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这好笑吗?

213
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一点也不.

214
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你叫什么名，孩子?

215
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Caruso.

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00:09:34,328 --> 00:09:36,766
想来我的学校，下次就穿像样点.

217
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看看这双鞋

218
00:09:40,927 --> 00:09:41,975
他们意味着某些事情

219
00:09:42,303 --> 00:09:43,685
他们意味着我是一个学生

220
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我想学习

221
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我要像这样多点

222
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像那样少点

223
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不要再撞到我了

224
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尽管Caruso被我搅得有点乱

225
00:09:58,402 --> 00:10:00,499
但这么丢脸令他更生气

226
00:10:00,686 --> 00:10:02,146
所以你知道接下来要发生的...

227
00:10:02,287 --> 00:10:03,574
这事没完, 黑鬼!

228
00:10:05,326 --> 00:10:07,559
那天他叫完我黑鬼就走了.

229
00:10:07,822 --> 00:10:10,309
但后来在DMX的演唱会上也那样叫来着
（DMX:一个黑人歌手）

230
00:10:10,558 --> 00:10:12,563
就差点被踩死

231
00:10:13,866 --> 00:10:16,065
你真的就是来自那个号称
"Bedstyle，行动，或者死亡"的地儿吗?

232
00:10:16,347 --> 00:10:16,971
就是.

233
00:10:17,303 --> 00:10:18,414
你被枪打中过吗

234
00:10:18,740 --> 00:10:19,403
没有

235
00:10:19,512 --> 00:10:21,456
至少目前没有

236
00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:23,788
- Greg.
- Chris.

237
00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:26,869
Greg不是我最想要的那种朋友

238
00:10:26,964 --> 00:10:29,643
同样都是受欺负的境遇让我们走到一起

239
00:10:29,783 --> 00:10:32,065
- 好酷的鞋.
- 谢谢.

240
00:10:32,352 --> 00:10:34,323
如果刚才那个校长是新来的,

241
00:10:34,839 --> 00:10:35,742
老校长是谁?

242
00:10:36,681 --> 00:10:38,015
我没摸她!

243
00:10:38,196 --> 00:10:39,816
我不知道你们说什么呢

244
00:10:40,112 --> 00:10:43,696
Palmer先生被起诉的罪名
我们不能告诉你

245
00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:45,105
因为那是一些关于网络色情的

246
00:10:45,198 --> 00:10:47,014
学校最终庭外和解了

247
00:10:47,059 --> 00:10:48,635
而他再也不能教书了

248
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,023
如果他搬到你的隔壁，
你可要小心了

249
00:10:52,716 --> 00:10:54,781
再看家里，我爸这会应该在睡觉

250
00:10:54,957 --> 00:10:57,359
可他宁愿少睡觉，也不愿少了钱

251
00:10:58,108 --> 00:10:59,256
你在干什么?

252
00:10:59,429 --> 00:11:00,631
付帐单啊

253
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,384
看，这里写着$40

254
00:11:02,714 --> 00:11:04,047
我就付$40

255
00:11:04,142 --> 00:11:06,596
这就是为什么我不让你付帐单

256
00:11:11,143 --> 00:11:12,762
- 你要去哪?
- 上班!

257
00:11:13,137 --> 00:11:15,000
Chris能准时回来叫醒我吗？

258
00:11:15,096 --> 00:11:16,577
我又不能未卜先知

259
00:11:16,948 --> 00:11:18,141
你有毛病啊？

260
00:11:20,911 --> 00:11:22,661
我没准倒知道你将来什么样!

261
00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:28,713
可该吃午饭了，我饿死了

262
00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:29,947
我要来个热狗

263
00:11:30,041 --> 00:11:31,438
我要吃块PIZZA

264
00:11:42,098 --> 00:11:43,481
给我乘车证

265
00:11:43,623 --> 00:11:45,677
想要吗，来拿啊，臭....

266
00:11:50,385 --> 00:11:52,003
放学见，Satchmo.
（Satchmo：一个黑人小号手）

267
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:07,963
下学后,我想了一个作战计划

268
00:12:08,052 --> 00:12:09,098
你不要命啦!

269
00:12:10,017 --> 00:12:12,365
老兄，这只是校园打闹
校园打闹最多持续一分钟

270
00:12:12,410 --> 00:12:14,287
总会有人出来劝架的

271
00:12:14,339 --> 00:12:16,089
只要我先揍了第一拳

272
00:12:17,245 --> 00:12:18,338
就会有人出来阻止了！

273
00:12:18,949 --> 00:12:24,657
打架喽! 打架喽!打架喽! 打架喽!

274
00:12:24,890 --> 00:12:26,081
你在等什么呢

275
00:12:26,221 --> 00:12:27,218
软饼!

276
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:32,100
随时都会结束的!

277
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:57,468
会有人出来阻止的!

278
00:13:10,213 --> 00:13:13,421
等等! 等等!等等!

279
00:13:13,797 --> 00:13:14,603
等下我!

280
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:15,960
谢谢!谢谢!

281
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,976
快点,女士!快点!我不能晚点！

282
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:21,613
等下!请别关门!

283
00:13:21,786 --> 00:13:23,172
有个孩子要在追车.

284
00:13:23,264 --> 00:13:24,454
我看见了

285
00:13:25,016 --> 00:13:26,592
等等! 等等!等等!

286
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:32,970
我打赌你明天肯定上不来

287
00:13:33,092 --> 00:13:33,948
我赌我行

288
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:34,917
你行？我关门了！

289
00:13:34,953 --> 00:13:36,152
到此为止吧，你们这帮小痞子！

290
00:13:36,203 --> 00:13:37,205
滚!

291
00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:44,254
尽管我还是很饿，但终于快到家了

292
00:13:44,387 --> 00:13:45,709
不可能再有差错了吧？

293
00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:46,901
爸!

294
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:48,627
爸!

295
00:13:49,731 --> 00:13:50,588
爸!

296
00:13:51,154 --> 00:13:52,776
这个孩子正在谋杀我！

297
00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:53,772
老爸!

298
00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:55,073
老...

299
00:13:55,682 --> 00:13:57,402
小丫头，你想让老爸坐牢吗？

300
00:13:57,644 --> 00:13:58,790
我说过她了

301
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,310
我想上厕所

302
00:14:00,395 --> 00:14:01,537
我不让你在学校上吗?!

303
00:14:01,652 --> 00:14:02,964
太脏了！

304
00:14:06,551 --> 00:14:08,017
听着，我们现在就进去.

305
00:14:08,486 --> 00:14:10,831
可一旦进去，就别弄出任何声响

306
00:14:10,935 --> 00:14:12,594
一丁丁点儿都不行，明白?

307
00:14:12,688 --> 00:14:13,310
嗯

308
00:14:26,705 --> 00:14:28,713
我爸总穿着工作服睡觉

309
00:14:28,823 --> 00:14:29,948
这样他一起来,

310
00:14:30,050 --> 00:14:31,290
就可以直接走了

311
00:14:34,854 --> 00:14:37,533
...该付帐单了，我会付的...

312
00:14:51,595 --> 00:14:55,303
你也许觉得弄脏一双$40的鞋没啥大不了

313
00:14:55,384 --> 00:14:59,017
但是你必须清楚我老爸的汽车才$65

314
00:14:59,194 --> 00:15:01,002
我必须把他们弄干净

315
00:15:28,914 --> 00:15:31,525
这是今天头一次，事情进展的很顺利

316
00:15:36,884 --> 00:15:40,141
现在我所要做的只是，在5点之前，
让每个人保持安静

317
00:15:51,523 --> 00:15:53,386
老爸. 老爸.

318
00:15:54,608 --> 00:15:55,414
该起了

319
00:15:57,435 --> 00:15:58,437
5点了?

320
00:15:59,326 --> 00:15:59,891
对滴

321
00:16:01,625 --> 00:16:03,093
不是4:59?

322
00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:04,685
不嘻.

323
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:09,750
我要去做哪份工?

324
00:16:09,971 --> 00:16:11,644
开卡车

325
00:16:20,858 --> 00:16:22,111
喂

326
00:16:22,259 --> 00:16:23,912
嘿，宝贝，是妈妈

327
00:16:24,058 --> 00:16:25,078
你爸起了吗?

328
00:16:25,263 --> 00:16:26,695
- 起啦.
- 不错，不错

329
00:16:26,965 --> 00:16:30,116
把你爸的那盘菜从冰箱拿出来，
拿到微波炉里热下

330
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:31,360
哪盘菜啊?

331
00:16:31,439 --> 00:16:33,106
有一大块鸡肉那盘

332
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:51,728
我不是告诉你
"不要吃有一大块鸡肉那盘吗"?

333
00:16:52,009 --> 00:16:52,962
但是我还是没吃饱

334
00:16:53,128 --> 00:16:56,384
我妈妈并不是真的生我气，
她只不过是怕我爸

335
00:16:56,527 --> 00:16:57,763
你也看到他多大块了

336
00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,577
她不愿他没吃饱就上班

337
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:02,216
因为如果他吃不饱就工作的话
他会不高兴

338
00:17:02,296 --> 00:17:04,593
如果他不高兴
他没准会给他的老板Cracker打电话

339
00:17:04,735 --> 00:17:06,177
如果他给Cracker打电话

340
00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:08,360
我们就又要搬回Projects了

341
00:17:08,546 --> 00:17:13,874
但不要吃最大块的鸡肉

342
00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:15,670
知道了吗?

343
00:17:22,064 --> 00:17:24,265
至少，你没把去学校穿的鞋弄脏

344
00:17:29,390 --> 00:17:31,157
过来，让我亲下

345
00:17:35,484 --> 00:17:37,010
去睡吧

346
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:43,585
- Rochelle.
- 什么事?

347
00:17:44,285 --> 00:17:46,538
听着, 我不是想告诉你该怎么做

348
00:17:46,626 --> 00:17:49,306
但是为了能在这安家，我真的工作很努力
你知道的

349
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:52,579
Julius, 你只是会挣钱并不代表你也会花

350
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,667
你要知道该怎么运作这个系统

351
00:17:54,987 --> 00:17:57,043
- 什么系统?
- 负债系统

352
00:17:57,795 --> 00:18:00,187
我管理这个家就像他们管理国家一样

353
00:18:00,262 --> 00:18:01,363
赤字原则

354
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:02,740
房租应该每月3号付

355
00:18:02,829 --> 00:18:05,768
我9号才付，是因为我7号才能拿到薪水

356
00:18:05,847 --> 00:18:07,560
如果现在就付照明费

357
00:18:07,611 --> 00:18:09,819
我就没钱买菜，房租也要晚交

358
00:18:09,852 --> 00:18:11,282
然后你就要加班.

359
00:18:11,312 --> 00:18:12,803
你还想加班吗，Julius?

360
00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:13,898
不想吧

361
00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,423
如果我们不欠别人钱

362
00:18:15,516 --> 00:18:17,484
我们根本就没钱

363
00:18:19,989 --> 00:18:21,109
呃...

364
00:18:22,213 --> 00:18:24,830
那你那时为什么不说

365
00:18:24,916 --> 00:18:26,518
因为你没问啊

366
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:31,859
宝贝...

367
00:18:32,701 --> 00:18:33,765
别叫我宝贝

368
00:18:34,689 --> 00:18:35,521
过来

369
00:18:36,439 --> 00:18:37,564
对不起，还不行吗？

370
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:42,917
到底谁让你看这些帐单的?

371
00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:45,530
过来, 小甜甜.

372
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,035
上次你叫我小甜甜的时候，我怀孕了.

373
00:18:48,147 --> 00:18:49,998
你就我的小甜甜. 你永远是我的小甜甜.

374
00:18:50,083 --> 00:18:50,698
别叫小甜甜了

375
00:18:50,791 --> 00:18:52,560
好吧,可以叫几声

376
00:18:53,922 --> 00:18:55,697
- 我爱你
- 我也爱你

377
00:18:59,756 --> 00:19:02,175
我爸爸总在做两份工的间隙看看我们:

378
00:19:02,314 --> 00:19:04,851
他的夜班和他的深夜班

379
00:19:05,696 --> 00:19:06,614
老爸?

380
00:19:07,309 --> 00:19:09,359
嘿，儿子，我以为你睡着了

381
00:19:10,815 --> 00:19:13,063
对不起，我吃了你大鸡肉

382
00:19:13,589 --> 00:19:15,538
那块值89美分

383
00:19:16,139 --> 00:19:17,959
怎么?你在学校没吃饱吗?

384
00:19:18,276 --> 00:19:19,245
我还是有点饿

385
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:20,619
现在轮到我饿了

386
00:19:22,375 --> 00:19:25,614
听着，下次，多吃点早点，0K？

387
00:19:25,849 --> 00:19:26,368
Ok.

388
00:19:27,691 --> 00:19:28,400
给.

389
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:31,052
别把钱露出来.

390
00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:32,624
有人会打劫你的

391
00:19:34,066 --> 00:19:35,581
别告诉你妈

392
00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:39,279
学校还好吗

393
00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:41,222
我没有告诉他关于打架的事

394
00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:44,135
我爸爸是在民权时代上学的
（民权时代：美国第二身份的公民
所争取更多权利的时代，其中也包括黑人）

395
00:19:44,485 --> 00:19:48,001
和被欺骗、被坦克镇压还要被狗咬比起来

396
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,816
Joey Caruso根本不算什么

397
00:19:51,601 --> 00:19:53,417
还好啦

398
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,117
好，明天早上见

399
00:19:58,008 --> 00:20:00,464
我爸不是那种会说“我爱你”的人

400
00:20:00,589 --> 00:20:03,269
这个街区里有四个当爸的，他是其中之一

401
00:20:03,362 --> 00:20:05,951
"明天早上见"就是“他回到家了”

402
00:20:06,099 --> 00:20:09,055
“回到家”就是他的“我爱你”

403
00:20:09,571 --> 00:20:12,396
把表关了，睡觉不需要知道时间

404
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,247
1小时2美分呢

405
00:20:16,748 --> 00:20:18,965
我的毛巾怎么成这样了?

406
00:20:20,078 --> 00:20:22,721
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